This blog is the one that pains the heart of any midwife to write, and I, myself, have dreaded writing. Many of you are familiar with the 6-year harassment by the state of Nebraska, ending in a 3 ½ year legal battle and trial. The horrific events that my family and I have endured are indescribable. This blog isn’t a recap of the details of those years, even though, someday I plan to write my story. However, I will say that those years were grueling financially and extremely taxing on multiple aspects of my health and the well-being of my family. It has played a pivotal point in our lives. For the last nine months, the aftermath of healing has been more to recover from than I ever expected.
At the end of trial, people expected me to be thrilled with happiness. Yes, I am very grateful to God for the verdict, but happy? Happiness wasn’t something that occurred to me or was even an option. The "victory" wasn’t something I celebrated because now the real work began. With the growing need to focus on the bigger picture of the lack of parental freedom in our state, my health that continues to need attention, and my family trying to readjust to life after trial, I’m being led into a new direction to focus on what’s at hand.
Everything has a reason and season. God’s callings in our lives are no exception. Some seasons are shorter or longer than we like. Most reasons are very difficult to understand; others filled with joy. For those of us who are devoted to God, we must submit our own ideas and thoughts about our callings and lives to His will. God is my center and I want nothing more than to be completely surrendered in His will. Therefore, I consider nothing mine to grasp tightly, but everything placed in my open hands as a vessel and steward. My calling to midwifery is the same. I hold it with an open palm as a vessel before God. When God called me into midwifery, I knew that a battle with the government of Nebraska was to come and with a humble heart, I said yes, even though I had no idea nor ever wished it to come through great tragedy. With all that being written, it is with deep sorrow to officially announce that I am leaving the world of growing bellies and first breaths: the world of birth. HOWEVER, as long as God allows, I still plan to move forward to shift culture into an awakening of parental freedoms and natural wholeness and health freedoms. I'm not sure how or in what time frame that will unfold. God has the plan and final say, and I will keep standing, as long as possible to bring positive change, not just to our state, but hopefully in many other places. All that is for certain is we have some BIG transitions ahead and we ask for prayers and favor from the Lord.
As I write this I am extremely grateful for all the love and support I received through the years. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for the birth community who has supported me. Truly, your encouragement through words, actions, and friendship has meant the world to me. I don’t consider this the end of our friendship; however, I will miss gathering at trainings. I‘m extremely grateful for my friends who have rallied around me. Your ongoing love has been a life line. A special appreciation for Lauren and Ivy, who honored this ending with a closing ceremony. For my husband and kids, to say this process hasn’t been easy is a drastic understatement. Your understanding of our God-given assignment and calling, from the begin, was the upmost importance and not for the faint of heart. I could never fully express my sincere reverence and deep appreciation to you for standing by me. And to the One, who is worthy of all honor and glory, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I am honored to be your vessel for change. Even though it has stretched me to the breaking point, You are always FAITHFUL!
Now I step out in faith, once again. Only this time, I close a chapter much sooner than expected or wanted, not knowing what God's plans are for the future. However, I choose to step one foot in front of the other and look forward with wonder, sometimes pain, and mostly great hope.
Below is a collage of my closing ceremony and just a few of the many sacred moments over the years.
